Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Joey Logano: Logano used a controversial bump-and-run maneuver on Martin Truex, Jr. on the final lap to win the First Data 500 at Martinsville.
“I know this makes me an unpopular driver,” Logano said. “Correction: I know this makes me a more unpopular driver.”
2. Kyle Busch: Busch started on the pole at Martinsville and led 100 laps on his way to a fourth-place finish.
“Despite his methods,” Busch said, “Joey Logano has one of the four spots at Homestead. So I wouldn’t mind being Logano. Now, I wouldn’t want to be his rear bumper, because it’s gonna take a massive hit from Martin Truex Jr. In other words, the ‘ram-ifications’ of what happened at Martinsville will be huge.”
3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished 10th at Martinsville.
“I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing Logano did,” Harvick said. “Now, if I were Truex, I would have done something differently. It wouldn’t have been ‘two thumbs down;” it would have been ‘two middle fingers up.'”
4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex was poised for the win at Martinsville after passing Joey Logano with a lap remaining. That was until Logano bumped him out of the way on the final lap, spinning Truex, who finished third.
“Payback is a larger-sized version of Logano,” Truex said, “because he’s a ‘little bitch.'”
5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished seventh at Martinsville.
“Everybody wants to win that grandfather clock trophy,” Elliott said. “Joey Logano got it this time. But it will be Martin Truex Jr. who will soon tell him ‘what time it is.'”
6. Kurt Busch: Busch finished sixth in the First Data 500.
“After that boring debacle at Kansas,” Busch said, “this is exactly what NASCAR needed to pique interest. Joey Logano clearly wrecked Martin Truex Jr. It’s too bad that lush Brian France wasn’t here to see some reckless driving that is actually good for the sport.”
7. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished 11th at Martinsville.
“They call Martinsville Speedway the ‘paper clip,'” Almirola said. “It’s a ‘staple’ of the NASCAR circuit. And Martin Truex Jr. says Joey Logano could be a ‘paper’ champion.”
8. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished fifth at Martinsville as Penske Racing teammate Joey Logano captured the win.
“That was a bold move by Joey,” Keselowski said. “I hear Martin Truex Jr. has named Matt Kenseth his ‘Special Joey Logano Revenge Consultant.’ Joey has a history with Kenseth and so do I. Matt attacked me between the haulers at Charlotte in 2014. Joey got the ‘jump’ on Truex at Martinsville; Truex is likely to get the ‘jump’ at Texas.”
9. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 21st, one lap down, at Martinsville and will likely need a win in the next two races to advance to Homestead.
“I can’t worry about what transpired at Martinsville,” Bowyer said. “I’m going to Texas with full intentions of winning the race. So, I’m keeping an eye on the prize, and another on Logano and Truex.”
10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin posted the runner-up finish at Martinsville, getting a front-row look at the Joey Logano-Martin Truex Jr. battle for the lead.
“In regards to Logano,” Hamlin said, “Truex told me, ‘He’ll pay.’ Those were the words that came through Martin’s ‘nice guy filter.’ What he really said was, ‘There’ll be hell to pay.'”