Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started third in the AAA Texas 500 and passed Ryan Blaney on an overtime restart to take the win and qualify for the finale at Homestead.
“I’m in along with Joey Logano,” Harvick said. “We may be two of the most disliked drivers on the circuit. But you can’t doubt our talent. We’re so talented, we can make fans pull for Kyle Busch.”
2. Joey Logano: Logano finished third at Texas.
“I realize I have a target on my back,” Logano said, “and I’m in the crosshairs of Martin Truex Jr. And he’s gunning for me. None of that is surprising. What is surprising? The fact that the NRA is not sponsoring this race.”
3. Kyle Busch: Busch finished 17th at Texas.
“Barring a total disaster at Phoenix,” Busch said. “I’m in a good position to advance to Homestead on points. So, in honor of Carl Edwards’ induction into the Texas Motor Sports Hall Of Fame, as long as I don’t ‘choke,’ I’ll make it to Homestead.”
4. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex qualified 13th at Texas but had to start at the back of the field after making an engine change. With the pressure on, Truex charged and scored a ninth-place finish.
“If I can finish ninth after an engine change,” Truex said, “just think what I can do with a car that’s gone through a regular setup. I’ll be unstoppable. So, at Phoenix, to all the other drivers, I say, ‘Look out!’ At Homestead, to just Joey Logano, I say, Look out!'”
5. Chase Elliott: Elliott finished sixth at Texas and will almost certainly need a win at Phoenix to advance to Homestead.
“We’ll give it our all at Phoenix,” Elliott said. “We’re gonna let it all hang out, and unfortunately, so will all the wrong people in the Phoenix infield.”
6. Kurt Busch: Busch took seventh in the AAA Texas 500.
“I’m headed to Phoenix with intentions of winning,” Bowyer said. “It’s do or die. Or do or ‘doo-doo.'”
7. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished eighth in the AAA Texas 500 and afterward voiced his displeasure with Joey Logano, who Almirola claimed nearly wrecked him on a late restart.
“Many people don’t think Logano did anything wrong,” Almirola said. “That includes my former car owner, who says I’m being ‘Petty.'”
8. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished 12th at Texas.
“The race in Texas wasn’t nearly as exciting as Martinsville’s,” Keselowski said. “Yet, television viewers continue to tune out. Like Martin Truex Jr., viewers are saying ‘two thumbs down.'”
9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney started on the pole and took the runner-up spot to Kevin Harvick at Texas.
“Carl Edwards was inducted into the Texas Motorsports Hall Of Fame,” Blaney said. “I heard when Carl found out he was going to be honored, he flipped.”
10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer qualified second at Texas but struggled from the get-go after early contact with Denny Hamlin. He finished 26th.
“And it got worse from there,” Bowyer said. “I even got a pit road penalty when I pitted for gas because one of my crew members was sitting on the wall with his feet in the pit stall. He has since been ‘unseated.'”