Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Joey Logano: Logano won the pole at Atlanta and led 84 laps on his way to a fourth-place finish in the Folds Of Honor 500. He is first in the Sprint Cup points standings, one ahead of Jimmie Johnson.
“I’m finally realizing my potential,” Logano said. “I believe I can win the Sprint Cup championship. I haven’t been this fast since my departure from Joe Gibbs Racing. I really have to thank Roger Penske for hiring me. Roger’s like a father to me, because he buys me cars and gives me no option but to go fast.”
2. Kevin Harvick: Harvick started from the rear at Atlanta after an engine change and was strong throughout the day. Unable to chase down Jimmie Johnson, Harvick finished second, his second runner-up finish of the season.
“It appears that Jimmie Johnson delivers as well,” Harvick said.
“My No. 4 Jimmy Johns Chevy was great, but we had nothing for the No. 48 car. The No. 4 was ‘freaky fast;’ any car supervised by Chad Knaus is ‘sneaky’ fast. Any car driven by a member of the Mayfield clan is ‘tweaky’ fast. Obviously, that wouldn’t be for delivery; it would be for pickup.”
3. Jimmie Johnson: Johnson took the lead on lap 305 at Atlanta and pulled away on a restart with 13 laps to go to win the Folds Of Honor 500.
“My car was super-fast,” Johnson said. “Somebody call the police, because there’s 42 other drivers who will testify that the No. 48 ‘went missing’ in Georgia.
“I had to start in the back because I never made it to qualifying because of inspection issues. I’ve had a number of rivals in my storied career, but ‘inspection’ has certainly been the toughest, because it’s always been hardest to pass.”
4. Dale Earnhardt Jr.: Earnhardt finished third in the Folds Of Honor 500 at Atlanta Motor Speedway, as Hendrick Motorsports teammate Jimmie Johnson took the win.
“It was a cold day of racing,” Earnhardt said. “Hey, I’m all for a ‘cold one,’ and so are the fans of Junior Nation. On that note, it was an historic day for my fans—it’s the first time they’ve ever called a cooler ‘useless.’
“I’ve got to hand it to my crew chief Greg Ives for some great calls. Some people thought pairing up with a rookie Cup crew chief would be a bad idea early in the season, and they warned me about the ‘Ives Of March.’”
5. Kasey Kahne: Kahne started 10th and finished 14th at Atlanta. He is seventh in the points standings, 23 out of first.
“The temperature was 43 degrees when the green flag dropped,” Kahne said. “NASCAR historians noted that it was the first time ‘Mercury’ has made an impact in the sport in a long time. Jeff Gordon said he hadn’t felt such a chill in the air since his first marriage.”
6. Matt Kenseth: Kenseth finished fifth at Atlanta, leading the charge for Joe Gibbs Racing.
“It’s good to hear that Kurt Busch has agreed to NASCAR’s terms for reinstatement,” Kenseth said. “Now, I’m not sure Kurt will have his job back at Stewart Hass Racing upon completion, but I don’t think he’ll have any trouble finding work, especially as a ‘hired gun.’”
7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex followed his eighth-place finish at Daytona with a sixth at Atlanta. He is fifth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 13 behind Joey Logano.
“Furniture Row Racing is making a name for itself,” Truex said, “as is Denver Mattress. What do you call it when a mattress company pays you to advertise on your car? ‘Lying down on the job.’”
8. Casey Mears: After a sixth at Daytona, Mears posted a solid 15th at Atlanta and is now sixth in the Sprint Cup points standings, 20 points out of first.
“I think it’s too early for me to start thinking ‘championship,’” Mears said. “I don’t want to get ‘too far ahead of myself.’ Evryone knows I can’t hold a lead, even over myself.”
9. AJ Allmendinger: Allmendinger finished seventh at Atlanta, driving the No. 47 JTG Daugherty Racing Chevrolet in the top 10.
“My major sponsor is Clorox, the No. 1 cleaning product in the world,” Allmendinger said.”Thusly, my diehard fans are known as the ‘Bleacher Bums.’ They’re a little hard to recognize amongst the rest of NASCAR’s fans, because just like everyone else,the Bums are all white.
“Did you hear? May 9th’s Sprint Cup race in Kansas will be called the ‘SpongeBob SquarePants 400.’ Kevin Harvick and the voice of Fox’s NASCAR coverage are doubly ecstatic. They’re saying ‘Happy Happy! Joy Joy!’”
10. Carl Edwards: Edwards posted a solid 12th in the Folds Of Honor 500, joining Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Matt Kenseth, who finished fifth, in the top 12.
“I’ve got a new team,” Edwards said, “and new teammates. I’m the new guy, so I have a lot of questions for my new teammates, and they’ve all been great. Matt Kenseth said I don’t even have to raise my hand when I have a question.”
