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Here’s a look at what will happen in the
remaining races of this season – well not actually, but it was
fun just the same.
*Kenseth will have the last laugh in his feud
with Jeff Gordon, he’ll make the Chase & Gordon will miss it by
this much.
*Mark Martin will stay in the top 10 proving to
Carl Edwards that although he can’t do back flips, he can still
drive a car.
Kyle Busch will show older brother Kurt that
chirpin’ the tires is better than chirpin’ at the mouth and Kyle
will make it to “New York New York” this year, with Kurt as his
date.
*Jeff Burton and the Cingular team rolls over the
other cell phone companies and says to Roush “Can you see me
now”.
*Kasey Kahne will show former teammate Jeremy
Mayfield how to stay in the Chase, and not finish 10th
at the end of the year.
*Stewart will lead the Gibbs camp. He climbs the
fence and throws a touchdown pass to Denny Hamlin. Hamlin who
delivers a last lap tackle to Jeff Gordon becomes Kenseth’s new
best friend.
*All the Toyota Teams plead with NASCAR to start
a retirement fund for old drivers; they’ll need it within a year
or two.
*Harvick will be “Happy” just making the Chase.
*Biffle will be nice and order Subway for
McMurray, who finds out that the grass isn’t always greener on
the other side of the track and his meatball sub is cold.
*Coors Light Silver Bullet & the team of David
Stremme change their color to white so they can market the red,
white, & blue with the other two beer sponsors. Jack Daniels,
Jim Bean, & Crown Royal have no such plans.
*Robby Gordon will find a new use for duct tape;
it’s not just for taping up holes in radiators, but also for
taping Motor Mouth Mikey’s mouth shut – unfortunately his mouth
runs faster than 200 mph.
*Jimmie Johnson obviously will make the chase but
will not win the championship. After the season is over, Knaus
inspects a tire and finds a nail in the tire with the Home Depot
logo imprinted on it.
*Dale Jr. sends the Enterprise prom girl to
Mickey to fill-in for him in the NAPA commercials.
*J.J. Yeley changes his initials to D.J., then to
K.K., and then decides to be called Chris.
*Ms. Green M&M is sent to the side of the road to
show some leg and maybe attract one of those other drivers to
Yates. Some one spotted the peanut guy picking her up – he
supposedly talked as if he had a “Wahd of tobacco” in his mouth.
*Elliott Sadler is seen putting the Mayfield
piñata on top of Kahne’s car right before the tire falls Sadler
is then spotted driving the #19 rig away from an accident, where
a Home Depot car is crushed. The cop investigating the accident
looks eerily like Jeremy Mayfield.
*Cal Wells & Travis Kvapil attach a rope to the
back end of Floyd Landis’ bike for more horsepower and they gain
ten spots in qualifying.
*Doug & Robert Yates are seen at the local high
schools scouting the driver’s ed classes with driver permits in
hand. They pass Steven Leicht in the hall.
*Gene Haas is seen buying several copies of The
Beatles’ record “Tax Man” in hopes of serenading his cellmates.
*NASCAR decides a wheel of penalties will be used
in determining what punishment should be given to those found in
violation of the rules. Surprisingly Chad Knaus, Tony Stewart,
and Todd Berrier sprout halos and wings shortly after this
announcement.
*Mike Helton goes back to school to learn about
consistency, and to his horror, the teacher is Kurt Busch and
the school bully is Jimmy Spencer.
*Brian France buys the NY Jets NFL team, builds
them a stadium in Staten Island with the promise to help them
make the Chase. The NASCAR world cheers.
I am interested in hearing some of your
predictions. I will post some of them in my next article. I am
sure your humor is better than mine is. |
