It never ceases to amaze me the amount of people that say they are NASCAR fans, yet they do not act like a true NASCAR fan. Now do not get your panties in a wad here; read on and you will possibly agree with me and discover that you know these people -- or worse, you are one of these people.
The Paris fan, as in Hilton, mainly of the female persuasion, with interest in the driver’s physical attributes and cosmetic structure, and has a penchant for drivers such as Kasey Kahne, Jamie McMurray, Carl Edwards, Denny Hamlin and of course, Dale Earnhardt Jr. You will not hear Paris fans make comments such as “he can drive anything” or “that was his fastest lap.” Instead, you hear statements such as: “That uniform looks better going away than it does coming toward you” or “he has dreamy eyes” and “doesn’t he just have the cutest dimples? ” Mind you, I enjoy a gentleman’s company more than the next lady and do my fair share of man watching, but I take my NASCAR as well as my football serious. Why not actually pull for a driver due to his talent rather than “cuteness” or the fact that “oh my God, he has the tightest…abs.”?
Do not get me wrong: I do not profess to be a NASCAR guru by any stretch of the means. Every day is a learning experience and I can not get enough information on the subject. Why, if they had this subject in college back in my day, bless her heart my mother would not have had to wait for my kids to come along before she had another member of the family join her as a college graduate. My Daddy raised me on NASCAR from a young age, so when I hear "camber" I understand enough to know it is not a women’s foundation garment. At least I know camber is the bow or bulge in the tire that effects the calibration of the car’s setup and instrumental at short tracks such as Bristol.
The wreck fans: We all know them and for the love me I do not understand them and bite my tongue quite often while in the presence of this fan. Their main purpose in viewing a NASCAR event or any race event is for the "awesome" wreckage, which ironically is the name of a website which blogs about NASCAR. One only has to go back into history looking at the Gladiators to see man’s fascination with the sport of inflicting pain and injury on another man; perhaps it is the psychological notion of man feeling better of himself while watching another beaten down. There are so many facets to a NASCAR race that have nothing to do with accidents. Lately fans, drivers and crews are worrying about beating the weather, NASCAR rules and penalties, tire wear, brakes, shocks and springs. They will certainly be an important factor in the next few races and like this past weekend at Michigan, fuel mileage is an important issue. Just like other sports, NASCAR is all about strategies and game plans.
The sport has been devastated in the loss of drivers to accidents -- the obvious being Adam Petty and Dale Earnhardt Sr. Yet there have been many more, ones we tend to forget with not such big names, like J.D. McDuffie, who died at Watkins Glen, Clifford Allison, Kenny Irwin and one of my all time favorites, Neil Bonnet, who died in the same turn in Daytona as his friend Dale would later lose his life. To NASCAR’s credit, these deaths have not been for naught with a great deal of time, energy, money and resources having been spent on innovating revolutionary ideas in safety designs for the driver, the car and the track. These so called fans watch a race to see our heroes die or like Ernie Irvin, maimed for life and taken out of the sport we all love. Find yourself in this category? You are no fan.
Winner fans: Not to be confused with the whiner, this is probably your brother-in-law who you cannot stand to begin with, but he may also fall into the previous category or the next depending on his level of irritation. Let us say this guy has been around awhile, like I have, so he probably started out a huge fan of the King, Richard Petty but when the Silver Fox slyly shoved his slippery nose out front, this fan was all about the Wood Brother’s Purolator Ford driven by the original in awesome, David Pearson (Was he my favorite? Nah, I just grew up with a Pearson fan). Winner fan probably pulled for a lanky loudmouth from the hills of Kentucky until Darrell Waltrip met up with a feisty fearsome, no nonsense talking redhead from the Show-Me State and then he was all about Rusty Wallace. Of course, the entire time this fan has flags a flying for Dale Earnhardt, Sr. until the Paris fan’s Choice Award Winner, Jeff Gordon came along and then he jumped on that band wagon.
NASCAR should love winner fans as they are all about diversity, in they have broken every social, racial, political, economical, gender and status barriers there are to date. Watching a race with these fans used to be frustrating to me, however I have learned to make a mockery game of it, like a sport within a sport so to speak. After establishing who their favorite driver is -- likely Jimmie Johnson, Tony Stewart or a Busch brother, begin egging them on about how well their driver is doing on the track and encouraging them, and stay with them when their driver shows the first bit of trouble. Just when it seems it is time for the fat lady to sing for his driver, start guessing who they should now turn to for a win. I have seen some of these winner fans actually walk out of a bar or leave a chat room after their driver appears to have been eliminated from winning.
Not so with the real NASCAR fan. We are in it for the long haul. No matter how far your driver gets behind, you do not stop watching the race, especially if it is Stewart or Johnson because you never know when they will come from behind to win. Can you imagine these winner fans standing under the stands like I’ve done in Charlotte and like millions have done recently, waiting out rain delays for hours? They would go home and probably take Paris fan with them!
Finally we have the social fan, better known as `posers,’ to which I am well acquainted and have one as a close relative. They normally pop up for the major races, such as the Daytona 500, The All-Star Race, the 600 in Charlotte and of course the last couple of races of the season. Appearing to be a wealth of familiarity on NASCAR, they know just enough to be deadly. Poser boasts about his/her favorite driver’s accomplishments and attributes in public, but ask him about other drivers, NASCAR history or ask him/her a specific question, they are lost as an Easter Egg then.
My poser will call me from his place of employment asking questions about qualifying such as “You know that guy, I believe he drove the No. 59 last year, and he sounds like he is from New England? He qualified real well today and you need him in your fantasy picks.” After a few more minutes of conversation, I ask him if he is referring to Marcos Ambrose’s qualifying run at Watkins Glen. “Yeah, that’s the cat. Dang he is fast! Guys at the plant down here are talking about him.” That is the dead giveaway. Poser knew nothing of "the cat" while talking to the buddies and had to call somebody to find out so he would not sound totally inept at the subject. The second clue was him thinking Marcos’ accent was New England, and of course he was quite surprised to find Marcos was from Australia.
Poser is also good for calling you after actually watching the race to boast about his driver, his take of the race, and further advise you when he believes your driver is not up to par. Should a topic become heated during one of the major races, like tear wear, poser will instantly become an expert on the subject. It becomes humorous at times watching this person make a fool out of himself, charming others with his proficiency of the sport by repeating something new he has learned when he is just spouting off at the mouth with mundane information that real NASCAR fans view as old news or worse, the basics.
Just like God gave us a variety of animals to love and NASCAR drivers to choose from, He made each of us fans different. Thank goodness for that or this world sure would be dull.
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