Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.
1. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished fourth at Darlington, posting his 18th top five of the season.
“I had an incident in the Xfinity Series with a driver named Ross Chastain,” Harvick said. “He flat out wrecked me. Here’s the thing–he’s a nobody. Ironically, though, I was the one asking, ‘Doesn’t he know who I am?'”
2. Kyle Busch: Busch started fifth at Darlington and finished sixth, one spot behind older brother Kurt.
“Luckily,” Busch said, “I wasn’t confronted by a fan like I was after the race at Bristol a few weeks ago. This guy actually put his hands on me. NASCAR needs to make some serious adjustments because this is the ultimate in ‘hand-ling’ issues.”
3. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex started third and finished 11th in the Bojangles Southern 500.
“I’ve yet to find a sponsor for the 2019 season,” Truex said. “And that’s really sad because I’m the defending Monster Energy Cup champion; I should have sponsors knocking down doors to support me. Unfortunately, stock cars don’t have doors. And, the window of opportunity is closing fast.”
4. Kurt Busch: Busch finished sixth in the Bojangles Southern 500.
“Bojangles has had their name associated with this race for years,” Busch said. “And Bojangles is known for its chicken. That makes this place near and dear to me because I am known as a chicken.”
5. Kyle Larson: Larson easily won the first two stages at Darlington and finished third, after Brad Keselowski beat him out of the pits on their final pit stop.
“I led 284 of 367 laps,” Larson said, “but we faltered in the pits when it counted. We should have taken first place; instead, it was the ‘won’ that got away.”
6. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer finished 36th after slamming into Ryan Newman, who had slowed dramatically to enter the pits. Bowyer finished 36th.
“The start of the race was delayed by lightning,” Bowyer said. “Race officials even had to clear the grandstands. Usually, it’s the racing itself that clears the grandstands.”
7. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski finished beat Kyle Larson out of the pits on a late pit stop and pulled away to take the Southern 500, his first win of the season.
“It was awesome to run the No. 2 Miller Genuine Draft paint scheme made famous by the great Rusty Wallace,” Keselowski said. “That was back in the day when Rusty’s teammate was Ryan Newman, who really hated No. 2, both the driver of No. 2 and being No. 2.”
8. Joey Logano: Logano finished second at Darlington to teammate Brad Keselowski to give Penske Racing a 1-2 finish.
“My car had the Pennzoil paint scheme made famous by Steve Park,” Logano said. “Matt Kenseth called that ‘getting Parked,’ but I think he was referring to what he did to me at Martinsville in 2015.”
9. Chase Elliott: Elliott started 11th and finished fifth at Darlington, recording his eighth top-five result of the season.
“It was ‘throwback’ weekend at Darlington,” Elliott said. “It’s a great opportunity to revisit NASCAR’s history. And all but 16 drivers will experience their own personal ‘throwback’ at Indianapolis because after the Playoff field is set, those non-qualifiers will be told ‘you’re history.'”
10. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin started on the pole and finished 10th at Darlington.
“NASCAR and Formula 1 will go head-to-head in November of 2019 with races at Austin and Fort Worth on the same weekend,” Hamlin said. “I think we’ll be just fine. The idea that racing fans in America would choose F1 over NASCAR is simply ‘Prix-mature.’ Texas is NASCAR country, and I expect we’ll drive circles around F1.”