NASCAR Top-10 Power Rankings: Texas

Note: The quotes in this article are fictional.

1. Kyle Busch: After claiming Trucks and Xfinity series wins at Texas, Busch failed to complete the sweep, finishing a disappointing 10th. Busch still leads the Monster Energy Cup points standings, holding an eight point lead over Denny Hamlin.

“I didn’t ‘sweep’ the weekend,” Busch said, “but I did ‘brush’ the wall. Now, I’m ‘bristling’ at my failure to complete the sweep.”

2. Denny Hamlin: Hamlin overcame two penalties and stormed back to win the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 at Texas, scoring his second win of the season.

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“Winning in Texas is always special,” Hamlin said. “That is, until you get to Victory Lane, where they hand you two guns, leaving you feeling just like everyone else in Texas.”

3. Kevin Harvick: Harvick finished eighth at Texas and now sits third in the points standings, 33 out of first.

“I’m still winless on the year,” Harvick said. “I’m desperate for a win. My sponsor obligations stipulate that I say the same thing with different words. Jimmy Johns says I’m ‘hungry’ for a win, while Busch Beer says I’m ‘thirsty’ for victory.”

4. Brad Keselowski: Keselowski suffered his worst result of the year with a 36th at Texas, his efforts ruined by a mechanical issue early in the race that sent his No. 2 Ford Mustang to the garage for lengthy repairs.

“Something in the back of the car just broke,” Keselowski said. “And that was it for my chances of winning. It’s a case of getting ‘rear-ended’ without another car being involved.”

5. Aric Almirola: Almirola finished seventh at Texas as Stewart-Haas Racing placed all four cars in the top 10.

“Stewart-Haas Racing placed all four cars in the top 10,” Almirola said. “That’s also known as going ‘4 for 4.’ It sounds great, until you shed light on our most glaring statistic: SHR is 0-7 in the wins department.”

6. Joey Logano: Logano finished 17th at Texas, while Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski finished 36th after suffering a mechanical failure.

“I won Stage 1,” Logano said, “then it was downhill from there. Brad had two back axles malfunction, and my car’s hood was loose and wavering in the wind. It could have easily blown completely off. It’s the least excited I’ve ever been to talk about ‘rear end’ and going ‘topless.'”

7. Martin Truex Jr.: Truex finished 12th in Texas as Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin captured the win.

“Let’s give it up for Jimmie Johnson,” Truex said. “He won the pole at Texas, and finished fifth. Jimmie’s either rounding into his old championship form, or he’s just an old former champion.”

8. Kurt Busch: Busch took ninth in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500, posting his fifth top 10 of the season.

“NASCAR legend Rusty Wallace gave the command to ‘Start your engines,'” Busch said. “As you would expect, Ryan Newman refused to start his engine, because he absolutely refuses to take any commands from Wallace.”

9. Ryan Blaney: Blaney led 45 early laps before mechanical issues sent him to the garage. He finished 37th, 109 off the lead lap.

“A part broke,” Blaney said, “causing all the water to leak out of the car. It left me feeling drained.” 

10. Clint Bowyer: Bowyer scored the runner-up spot in the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500,

“And that was after starting 25th,” Bowyer said. “Which just proves that qualifying means absolutely nothing in NASCAR. As you saw at Fontana, sometimes we do absolutely nothing in qualifying.”

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